I do not expect very many people to read this, as I have been pretty pitiful about maintaining my blog in the post China period of my life. In my own psychoanalysis (which is pretty rudimentary given my major is in fact history and not psychology) I have come up with a few potential excuses to use for my cyber abscence:
1. I am suffering from post Shanghai depression
It’s kind of like post partum depression in that your emotional hormones are all out of whack , but you don’t need to take care of a baby in the sense that you have a real infant on your hands. This time, you are the baby. At any rate, I still feel an awkward sense of camaraderie with asians, I speak in chinglish to myself, and I spent too long of a time at the grocery store looking for substitute produce for my various chinese recipes. Basically, it’s kind of like I am an immigrant. Not in the stereotypical way, but in the way that you read about the adjustment process in the classic “coming to america”-esque memoir (Jhumpa Lahiri anyone?). As a way to avoid constantly thinking about how I would rather be haggling prices on street food next to a split pant baby, I have thrown myself into Shanghai adjustment initiatives. 1. get a scooter so that I can not only increase the potential for babysitting opportunities so that I may go abroad during the summer, but also so that I can then pretend I am in Shanghai as I putter around the streets of Davidson. 2.Find suitable recipe alternatives to my favorite shanghai dishes. Lack of MSG might be a problem. 3. Find an initiative that doesn’t automatically make me think of shanghai.
2. I am a Davidson Student
That’s right. This excuse makes sense because Davidson is literally ranked in the top ten of every list as the braniac students who study the most. While I am rather proud of my college’s achievement to market itself as one of the nerdiest schools in the country, I am the social chair of an eating house, it would be nice to maybe keep that a little under wraps, crazy first semester freshman are a source of unending entertainment value. I am also studying more than the average person…so blogging has been a little on the back burner.
3. 75% of the junior class is currently abroad.
It was hard enough to keep my wanderlust in check after Shanghai, but now every time I log into Facebook, Lucy Mcmurry is going bungee jumping, and Peter Askin has upwards of fifty photos of him at various argentine clubs. My jealousy is not in check. I am openly jealous. (you hear that abroad kids?). Now I am constantly brainstorming ways to get myself on a plane to anywhere out of my comfort zone (although I have ruled out Libya…unless someone is all expense paying for me, then I’ll consider). The best way to explain how I feel about the whole “being in America” situation is the way a lot of us felt when we were grounded in the summertime. In my case, being sent to my room was a softball punishment. If I was grounded, it meant i was weeding our extensive garden with my mom for what felt like the entire day. The worst part about it was the fact that all the neighborhood kids would play outside across the street, and I was confined to my yard, grounded. As far as I am concerned, I am grounded: working the Davidson grind while my friends are at the world’s playground.
4. I have two more years before I have to become a real person
that requires some serious contemplative energy, for several reasons. 1. there is no job growth. I am going to have to be real damn creative if I even want to dream of having what a post grad would call a good job after college. 2. my post shanghai experience has sent my life plan in a total tail spin. Law school costs money, I really like writing but telling someone you want to be a writer when you have never even taken a writing class is a but like telling someone you are going to go make a name for yourself in Hollywood. On top of job consideration, there is life consideration. what kind of life am I setting myself up for in my post grad experience. yeah it’s two years away, but this is one of the ultimate life questions, people have been asking me this since I was four and I still have no answer (although my confidence in my vetrinary skills was far greater at age four than it is now). On top of that, I am still constantly learning things about myself, so how can I really come up with a plan if the way I see myself is constantly changing.
I think this is what they call a crisis. I also don’t think I am really alone here….I’m just the one writing it down on my small traffic blog.In fact, sometimes I think that being in a crisis is what makes life interesting, and there is no sense in going it alone, which is why there is this handy institution called college where it is appropriate to act as a sounding board for ideas and wear a toga to a weekend party. At any rate, plan or no plan, I still have to get up every day, go to class, exercise and study every day….the only tried and true rituals in the daily life of a college kid, and I simply have not had the time nor inspiration to continue to write at the same caliber I did this summer.
People have approached me to let me know that they read my blog everyday whether they were at work, in class, on Facebook, or on the toilet. And I am very thankful for that, and if you would like to read more consistent posts, than either put me on a plane or inspire me on this campus (weekends are a great time for that)