It’s Not Pretty Being Easy
“Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way”
Harry Met Sally tells us this, my father tells me this, if I went to a shrink- she would probably tell me this, but time and time again college girls fall for the classic college romance, or what I like to call: f**** buddies.
Everyone and their mother (but actually-ask your mom) knows that f*** buddies is a recipe for disaster. And if Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman can’t make it work, let’s be honest the odds aren’t good. If it is such common knowledge that friends with benefits is a bad idea, then why is it so prevalent on college campuses?
Well, because its fun…and it’s not the 1950s anymore and women are reaping the glorious benefits of being sexual equals and low cost birth control.
Especially at a small liberal arts school. Drunken hook ups are risk free- no one needs to deal with the emotional mess of a break up if you never defined the relationship. There is a thrill in wondering where you will end up at the end of a night, you are not committed to be a support system to anyone. in the words of many a frat star: f*** buddies and random hookups means giving 0 fucks about the person you are with.
Women say we want this. We say it’s a good thing….but do we actually believe it? At the end of the day-is a random hookup or friend with benefit relationship what we want? Or are women continuing to play directly into the hands of men?
I am not even close to what you would call a feminist, and believe me, I hardly practice what I am about to preach: but really, who are the winners in the culture of random hook ups? I’m just going to throw this out there- the women are not winning. How you say? Well drunken hook ups skews the whole balance of getting into your pants through flattery and dates. Are we really not worth the extra effort?
And do you know whats even worse? Neurotic single girls. That’s what. Sooner or later-the girl a guy is hooking up with is going to go bat shit crazy because she has gotten into a emotionally ambiguous relationship and she is sick of talking about the status of it all with her biddies at sunday brunch. At Davidson: this is a lose lose situation because either he is going to come out of it a total douchebag or he is about to get a big giant ball and chain attached to him in the form of a Davidson girlfriend.
As a rule: Davidson has two speeds for almost everything.
Studying hard vs. going out hard
Fratty vs. Patty (Perillo)
Up the hill vs. Down the Hill
Basically we are just really intense people, and the way we conduct relationships falls into this category:
Random hooking up vs. marriage.
the later category is enough to scare the balls off any college male. It scares the crap out of me and I am supposed to be the girl in this situation. But it’s true, if you get into a relationship at Davidson suddenly you are off the grid. Staying in to cook for your significant other and watch a movie, or couples trips to go apple picking with other couples becomes the norm. Gone are the days when pregaming with your group of girl friends and going to F without an inkling of where the night might lead. Outpost? Forget about it, you are sharing a diet friendly cup of froyo at 8 pm sober on a Saturday. Toast is your Sunday stomping ground, not posted up at commons and enthusiastically texting walk of shamers as they crawl up the hill in last night’s clothes.
I am not pointing fingers….but its definitely the girls fault. Its our fault for upsetting the balance of in-pants- achievement and chivalry. It’s our fault for getting neurotic about it, and it’s our fault for insisting we act like thirty year old couples at a progressive dinner party in the suburbs.
We are twenty. We have all of our lives to be married. Relationships should be casual in college, but that doesn’t mean they need to be solely based on sex and the physical, does it?